by Little Homosapien
I want to provide a summary of my inner deconstruction journey from being monogamous to non-monogamous, in particular, doing relationship anarchy.
This article was written for those who are already familiar with polyamory and non-monogamy.
If this is your first time hearing about polyamory or non-monogamy, please go to “I’m new and I don’t know anything. I wanna start somewhere” — Here’s a consolidated resource, from definitions, FAQs, to resources
Relationship anarchy is a type of polyamory where there is no line between between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.
I’m not an expert.
But this is a result of years of reading different resources on polyamory, therapy, self work, personal experiences, and years of reflection on what is best for me.
Monogamous relationships can work for some people. However, they may not be suitable for everyone. Here are several reasons why monogamous relationships may not work for some individuals:
A common issue in monogamous relationships is the "you are my world, you are my everything" mindset. This kind of thinking can lead to enmeshment, where individuality and autonomy are eroded, resulting in dependency, lack of healthy boundaries, and suppressed personal growth. This dynamic can increase emotional distress, create unresolved conflicts, and ultimately make the relationship unhealthy and unsustainable.
Maintaining differentiation in a relationship allows both partners to retain their individuality, fostering a healthier and more balanced connection where each person can grow, thrive, and contribute positively to the relationship. Although monogamous relationships can be differentiated, enmeshment is often romanticized.
However, when you’re cohabitating with a partner, it’s still possible that you are enmeshed to a degree. And this enmeshment leads to a lot of problems for couples who just opened their relationship to polyamory. So it’s recommended to read this article about steps in undoing the enmeshment with your partner.
Another expectation in monogamous relationships is that one person can provide all of another's needs. This can be unrealistic and place undue pressure on the relationship, as people are not "need-fulfilling machines." Needs and desires evolve over time, but monogamous relationships often lack the fluidity and flexibility to accommodate these changes.