Recently, someone asked me what falling in love means as a relationship anarchist. In this page, I will explain what falling in love is to me, personally, in a relationship anarchist perspective.
If you’re not familiar with relationship anarchy, please read my blog here.
How does one know when they’re falling in love?
We're all familiar with the saying “feeling of butterflies” in their stomach.
Others describe it as an inability to stop thinking about someone — restless, consumed, and distracted.
For some, it’s a sense of home,
a calm in another’s presence.
But what all these definitions have in common is their framing of falling in love as a milestone in a predefined narrative,
a transition from platonic to romantic,
or from acquaintance to lover.
For me, as a relationship anarchist, falling in love transcends such traditional molds, and also goes beyond alloromanticism.
In this blog, I share what falling in love means to me, how I experience it, and how relationship anarchy shapes my perspective.
To define falling in love, I first revisit what love itself means. I’m deeply moved by Alok Vaid-Menon’s definition:
"Love is the recognition and appreciation of our mutual complexity. An embrace of our humanity – by which I mean – our contradiction. A commitment to return, to interdependence, to vulnerability. Love is life force. What keeps us alive, not merely existing."
Based on this definition, I know I’ve fallen in love with someone when I see and cherish their complexities, their quirks, and their small acts of love that resonate deeply with me. When I fall in love, I want to keep seeing their authentic complexities and be a part of their beautiful dance of nuances. 💜 It’s about wanting to be woven into their personal journey, to witness and contribute to their evolving story in a way that best suits both of us.
Here’s how I experience it: